One of the innumerable plans this year’s pandemic put the kibosh on was my trip to Japan. I had decided 2020 would be the year I’d finally get to visit the Land of the Rising Sun.

Alas, Portugal, France, and England were all I could pack in this year before coronavirus broke lose. When March came around, I finally conceded – a little late, I might add – that traveling around the world was not the responsible thing to do. Logical though I knew my decision was, it did not prevent the whole situation from being a pain in the dick.

But as the saying goes, when life gives you lemons, stuff your face with candy. And if the mountain will not come to Muhammed, Muhammed will order Kit Kats online. I did both.

The British may have invented Kit Kats, but the Japanese were the ones who perfected them. And since my trip had to be postponed, scarfing down artificially flavored candy was the way I found to visit safely from home and cope with my mounting wanderlust!

Note: Some Asian supermarkets carry Japanese Kit Kats on occasion, normally priced between $7 and $8. Since they’re not easy to come by, however, I’ve provided the links for the flavors available on Amazon, in case you’re not able to source them locally.

14 Japanese Kit Kat Flavors Ranked

Below you’ll find all the fourteen flavors I tried, ranked! The first ten were all pleasant surprises; the last four, enjoy at your own risk!

1. Raspberry
Guys! Guuuuys! This is DA SHIT! I resent Nestle for making what are essentially legal bags of crack so damn small! Now I know why raspberry Kit Kats are always sold out everywhere. One bite and the sweet taste of raspberry flooded my mouth, along with that delicious tangy note that makes my toes curl. In a flash, these bites of heaven took over my taste buds and my faculties, and what followed is still a mystery. It happened so fast! What little I know is that when I came to all the Kit Kats had vanished, leaving nothing but wrappers in their wake.

2. Strawberry
The strawberry-flavored Kit Kat is delicious and so similar to the raspberry one that they almost tied! Same level of sweetness and fruitiness. It’s almost imperceptibly less tangy than the winner, which ended up being the clincher here. If you’ve already picked up the raspberry Kit Kats and are allowing yourself only one more flavor, pick one of the ones below over the strawberry one, since they’re almost identical.

3. Apple Pie
I was not prepared for how good this flavor is! I expected the only trace of apple pie in this Kit Kat to be the picture on the packaging, but even its scent is that unmistakable apple-cinnamon combo that we always associate with apple pie. It’s also just slightly tangy, which is always a big plus in my book.

4. Citrus Mint
The intense combo of lemon and lime with a splash of mint made the citrus mint Kit Kat one of my favorite options! I love sweet-and-sour flavors, and although I tend to shy away from mint-flavored desserts, in this case it only added a pleasant cool factor that intensified the citrus-ness. They’re perfect for when you need to eat your feelings!

5. Salt Lychee
The salt lychee Kit Kat is fruity, it’s sweet without being overwhelming, and the tinge of salt brings out the lychee flavor even more. Even when you unwrap it you can immediately smell lychee, which proves that this Kit Kat is essentially a fruit, dense with nutrients and low on calories and artificial sugars. The dietitian I found on Fiverr approves.

6. Salt Lemon
A zesty pleasure with a touch of salt for an extra kick. It pairs well with more salt lemon Kit Kat. And then some.

7. Sweet Potato
I loved these! Rather than the earthy, pumpkin-y flavor of orange sweet potatoes (the most common in America), you’ll taste the much sweeter, almost caramelized flavor profile of their Korean and Japanese counterparts (the ones with purple skin and yellow flesh), which are much tastier!

8. Chestnut
There’s as much chestnut in these Kit Kats as there’s gray matter in Kanye’s head. That said, I still recommend giving this flavor a shot. Sweet and mild, the chestnut Kit Kat tastes more like browned butter. This makes it (along with the sweet potato Kit Kat) a good choice for those who don’t appreciate tangy or salty notes in their candy.

9. Sakura Mochi
This light-pink Kit Kat’s flavor is as mild and pleasant as its color. Just the right amount of sweetness, although it did lack the slight sourness of my preferred flavors. That said, calling it sakura mochi is but a good way to add panache to what is essentially a coconut Kit Kat. Perhaps my taste buds are simply not developed enough to detect more subtle notes, but unless you’re a trained sommelier, I doubt yours will, either.

10. Mint
After Eight! A crunchier, less minty, more chocolaty After Eight! That’s the description that popped up in my head after my very first bite. If you’ve tried Nestle’s mint chocolate thins, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you haven’t, simply imagine a dark chocolate Kit Kat, add mint, and you get the mint Kit Kat. It’s quite tasty, but as someone who doesn’t particularly like mint-flavored candy and prefers milk chocolate, I’d buy them again only if I couldn’t find one of the alternatives above or a new one to try. This is also the last on this list that I would pick over regular Kit Kat.

11. Dark Chocolate
It’s a dark chocolate Kit Kat. There. That pretty much sums it up.

12. Sake
Yes, it really does taste like sake. A very, very sweet sake, but sake nonetheless. The amount of alcohol in it is minimal, so you won’t even get tipsy from it, but you will still be able to taste it. Which is exactly the opposite of what I’d have preferred: candy that would get me plastered while sparing me that horrid taste of alcohol which never fails to make me gag. Thanks, Nestle, but I’ll stick to downing vodka and tequila.

13. Japanese Black Tea
If you mix matcha and a hint of coffee together and then add a load of too-fucking-sweet, you end up with the black tea Kit Kat. It’s not inedible, and might even be appetizing after smoking some strong puff (those munchies can be unforgiving), but I definitely can’t imagine forking out $7 for it ever again.

14. Cheesecake
These fuckers! I almost burned my hair and set the kitchen on fire trying to make them palatable! These things do not taste at all like cheesecake. Instead, they taste and smell like sweet Parmesan, and that’s a flavor I’d never want in candy. Or anything!

One alternative, better way to consume them is toasted, as directed on the bag. First put them in the freezer for about ten minutes, with the bottom part flat on the cold surface; this will prevent the base of the Kit Kats from melting too fast when you put them in the oven, since the goal is to just brown the top. Then pop them in the toaster oven and keep your eyes on them the whole time to make sure they don’t burn.

You can toast them in a regular oven, but be sure to place the Kit Kats on aluminum foil. Don’t use parchment paper like I did! Otherwise you might end up inadvertently finding out just how useless you are in an emergency.

My razor-sharp reflexes allow me to fuck up twice as fast as the average human!

When I moved the oven rack up closer to the broiler, the airflow made the parchment paper touch the heating element and catch fire. In a panic, I yanked the oven rack out and tried to put out the fire by blowing on it, like a moron. It wasn’t working (duh), so I decided to take my idiocy up a notch and bring my face as close to the fire as possible and blow harder. As anyone who can function during an emergency would have predicted, the flame doubled in size and almost caught my hair. I let out a yelp as I leapt and dumped the burning parchment paper into sink. Sadly, it was too wide to fit and started to slide off the edge of the sink. That’s when Robert, who had up until then been watching in bewilderment my stream of fuck-ups, decided to intervene and extinguish what I’m now convinced was hellfire with the side sprayer.

Just as I sighed in relief that the show was over, the fire alarm went off! Rather than put the sizzling oven rack down and move out of the way so Rob could deactivate the alarm, I chose to run out of the kitchen still brandishing the hot rack and send the oven thermometer that was attached to it rolling down the hallway.

At least we got a good laugh and a nugget of wisdom out of the whole snafu: don’t count on me for emergencies; a Furby without batteries will do a better job!

Give these delicacies a try and let me know what you think! I’m curious as to which will be your favorite and which you’ll hate!